Sexuality and sex were created by God himself. Sexual intercourse was meant to occur between a male and female as detailed in the Bible in Genesis 2:24. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Therefore, sexual intercourse is a sacred union of two people who are married. God's intention for husband and wife is monogamy, meaning a defined God ordained union; physical, mental and sexual between one man and one woman.
However, because we are all sexual beings whether married or not we need to work out how we can express these sexual desires in accordance with Scripture.
See Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus says "You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. " Here we see that Jesus broadens the possibility of sexual sins to include more than just coitus situations. He widens the sin to include minds as well. Even though Jesus is talking about adultery in this passage it is very clear that Jesus has raised the issue that the mind has the propensity to sin sexually as well as the body. It appears that if our minds are lustfully associated with another person and that person is not married to us then we can be committing a sexual sin. I would see it hard to have oral sex without a connection mentally with the person performing the act. Sexual touch is an expression of intimacy with that person.
Oral Sex within Marriage
If we are in a marriage relationship then we can see that God has given us our partner to satisfy those sexual desires. See 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
From this we can say that oral sex (stimulating the partner with the mouth) within marriage would seem okay. However, true love considers the desires of our partners. Therefore, to force our partner to perform an act they are uncomfortable with or considered "dirty" would not be showing true godly love for that person. Sure a man and woman's body belongs to the other person but this does not mean we abuse the relationship by forcing a desire that the other person is not yet ready to engage. 'Joined together' in the biblical term does not give permission for forcing oneself onto the other person. If there are issues in your sexual relationship then see a Christian Sex Counsellor for further advice and assistance. You may find the issue relates to other areas of the relationship than your lovemaking. Often discussions with your partner as to the reasons why a certain sexual act is not deemed acceptable can open the door to greater sexual expression in your marriage. Clearly for those who are married and may be physically disabled "normal" man on top of woman sex may be impossible. Oral sex and/or stimulation using a finger may provide an avenue for a joyous sexual relationship.
Oral Sex for the Non-Married
There is no direct passage in the Old Testament or New Testament that adequately convinces us that oral sex is a sexual sin in itself for the non-married. However, if we understand what Jesus was referring to in extending the area of lust to the mind and see that the body has erogenous zones we can begin to accept that oral sex is a sin because it is part of sexual experience. Erogenous zones are zones of a person's body that cause sexual arousal. Genitalia is one of these areas as is the thighs, stomach and buttocks of a person. By allowing others to touch our bodies in these zones it is moving touch to the area of sexual experience. Once we cross these lines it becomes harder to resist arousal that could lead to further action like oral sex or coitus. Consider Paul's words to us in 1 Corinthians 6:12. He says that "Everything is permissible, but not all things are beneficial " and his words to us in Galatians 5:22-23 concerning self-control "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace....self-control." versus lust in Colossians 3:5. "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. "
Therefore Oral Sex should be off limits for the un-married. Sex in all forms should be reserved for your life long marriage partner. Contact with the mouth above the neck eg Kissing is quite acceptable for couples but genital stimulation using the mouth (fellatio, cunnilingus) is crossing well beyond an acceptable boundary. President Clinton's claims that "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" because the lady concerned allegedly performed oral sex on the President not normal sex. This position / argument has not been accepted as a fair or reasonable statement by the majority of Americans. Intimate sexual actions remains a sin when the person you are involved with is not your husband or wife.
Clearly there are also potential health issues involved with oral sex as there are with normal sexual relations. There are very good reasons why our Father in Heaven has specified a monogamous marriage as the blueprint for society and sexual expression. HIV, AIDS, HPV (wart virus), Syphilis and other sexually spread diseases would have remained as very minor diseases if all the individuals across the world had followed what the Bible says about sex. Unfortunately ignoring God's teachings in the Bible can have tragic outcomes. Ie. Young homosexual men in their grave.
However, as with all sin we are not condemned if we cross the line and venture into oral sex because of God's grace that he offers. See Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith---and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God---not by works, so that no one can boast."
If it becomes clear that we cannot control our desires for another person and wish to have oral or normal sexual relations then we need to consider the prospect of marriage as a way forward. See 1 Corinthians 7:9 "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." I would recommend pre-marriage education with a Christian counsellor or Christian marriage facilitator take place for any couples considering marriage.
regards Pastor Keith (Sydney - Australia)
Updated April 2015